Skill of the Day that Makes Kids Mentally Strong: Independence
While it’s important to steer kids the right way in life we should let them find their own way sometimes. Independence now may bolster self-sufficiency down the line. Encouraging children to make their own choices builds confidence and gives them experience in deciding things for themselves.
But giving kids independence may look different for different kids, parents, and circumstances.
It doesn’t always mean letting young children play outside unsupervised - independence should be granted corresponding to the age and maturity level of the child. For a young kid, it may be the choice to play with toys or watch a movie, while an adolescent may have the choice to attend a concert or host friends for a game night.
It can feel uneasy and parents may have important questions when letting kids do more things themselves.
How can parents determine at what age to allow kids more self-reliance? This would depend on the individual child - their maturity and ability. A child/family counselor may prove useful if one finds it difficult to make this determination themselves.
As seen in the past few years the world can be a dangerous place, so how do we balance safety versus letting go to give kids more independence? Provide limited options - give direction but still allow them to make choices within that frame.
In addition, circumstances like living in a dangerous part of town or family values may affect the range and type of allowed independence at any given age.
We first guide kids and help them with their self-esteem. But that self-esteem has to apply somewhere and humans learn through trial and error. Anecdotally, successful people who made mistakes early learned from those experiences and used them as lessons to great effect.
Help kids feel they can make mistakes or fail sometimes and that it’s ok. Make that a time for positive self-critique. In other words, teach them to learn. Cultivate in them an “onwards and upwards” spirit that uses unfavorable outcomes for future success.
This kind of positive reframing builds self-esteem and confidence. Life’s challenges become more about solving problems than succumbing to them or overly depending on outside help.
Give kids responsibility but don’t over-challenge. Let kids tackle challenges appropriate for their age. Then as they grow up, they will meet new challenges from a mature, confident mindset.
??2. No helicopter parenting. Being overprotective can make a child more dependent on external resources in the future. Instead, give them some space to see how they deal with problems themselves.
??3. Have a little empathy. Refrain from scolding kids when they innocently fail at something - instead, ask them what happened and try to be productive, finding alternative ways for next time. Don’t make failure a big issue, learn from it and move on.
Here are some examples of activities to let your children do alone depending on age and maturity level: household chores, going out with friends unsupervised, deciding what to eat, after-school activities, scouting, sleep away camp and organized sports, or even babysitting siblings.
Bregman Medical Group has decades of experience treating kids of all ages. We offer online psychiatry and therapy right to your device! Simply schedule at www.bregmanmd.com or call 305-740-3340.
References:
https://www.todaysparent.com/kids/teaching-kids-to-be-more-independent/
https://www.verywellfamily.com/encourage-independence-in-your-child-620721