Narcissism and Children

Lately the terms “narcissist” or “narcissism” are a hot topic. People say them in reference to big egos or individuals who are self-obsessed. But true narcissism goes a step further: it is actually a mental health condition listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, “Narcissistic Personality Disorder.”

In fact, true narcissism can cause serious problems - not just for bystanders, but in the life of the narcissist themselves. Work, relationships, social life, and even finances can be negatively impacted. Narcissists seek admiration and when they don’t get it, they could even be driven to depression. It is often comorbid with other disorders which may require treatment themselves.

Some associate narcissism with certain professions like the entertainment and political fields. Others recognize it in people at parties, for example, who only speak about themselves with little consideration for other points of view.

Adults eventually feel the downside of narcissism disorder (oftentimes struggling relationships or depression). This is when they often seek professional help and it is treatable because their suffering drives them to change.

But the key to understanding and preventing narcissism starts with children.

When parents overindulge their children, and treat them as overly “special” or entitled, this can have an unfortunate effect on the child’s development. When used positively, encouragement for kids can acknowledge a good deed or a high test score in school. It can also lift up a child’s low self-esteem. But when kids are treated as if they are better or more worthy than others, their sense of self entitlement may become overinflated. Left unchecked, this could develop into an actual narcissism disorder. 

When importance is placed on selfish ideals such as money or looks, it may create an imbalance in relation to values like empathy and compassion. This may lead to narcissistic traits being developed from a young age. While sometimes genetics or a history of trauma increase the likelihood of narcissism, oftentimes parents’ actions can have a lot to do with the turnout.

There are certain things parents can pay attention to, to help their child grow up with healthy confidence as well as a balanced outlook.

1. Self-awareness - This includes awareness of how one is parenting (am I treating my child too “special?”), as well as awareness of entitled or narcissistic traits in one’s own life (do I exhibit narcissistic traits which may inadvertently teach from example?).
2. Helping others - Focusing on activities to help others is a way to instill a sense of compassion in children. Helping at a food bank, donating goods, and other charitable/helpful acts can build a habit of altruism that will positively influence them.
3. Encouraging sharing - Make sure your child is okay with sharing things like toys and food with others. Selfishness comes with narcissism, so developing a joy in sharing belongings and experiences with others can help inoculate against narcissism.
4. Teaching about others - Use stories and lessons from real life to help children understand how their actions and words might affect others. For example, if they said something mean at school, bringing their attention to the other person’s feelings will build empathy. In the future, they may consider the consequences of their behavior and choose positive over negative ways of relating to people.
5. Good leadership - Narcissistic children may be overly dictatorial when they play with others. If parents notice this trait in their kids, they might teach them instead to be leaders in a more healthy and inclusive way. Then, it’s not about getting what the kid wants all the time, but more about helping others and making sure everyone has fun.
6. Reality check - If children falsely believe they are the most important ones in social situations, gently show them that the world is bigger than just them. They can learn that interacting with the bigger picture can actually be more fun than needing everything to go their way.
7. Seeking help - Sometimes it’s hard to put the previous tips into action. When this is the case, never fear! Narcissism is treatable, and many psychiatrists and psychologists have plenty of experience helping children ditch the narcissism and build healthier, more inclusive personalities that will help them and others as they mature into adulthood.

For further discussion about this topic you can tune in to our podcast “The Breakdown with Dr. B” available on Spotify, Apple Podcast, and other streaming sites as well as our website www.bregmanmedicalgroup.com

Bregman Medical Group has decades of experience treating narcissism in children and adults, along with many other issues/disorders. Dr. Arthur Bregman, MD, was Head of Psychiatry at Miami Children’s Hospital for many years, and has a great deal of experience treating the disorder. We offer online psychiatry and therapy with treatment available right on your device at home! Simply schedule at www.bregmanmedicalgroup.com or call 305-740-3340.

References:

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/how-parents-unintentionally-foster-narcissism-in-children_uk_6526878ce4b09f4b8d427627

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20366662